Dating 4: Post-Game Struggle

Enduring. Preserveering. Holding on.

Here we are again. In my last Post on Dating I said I was going to bring back Game. You know, like PUA game, Neil Strauss Game, Mystery Method. The kind of gamification of human interaction that lets an autistic guy like me figure out how to talk to people. I didn’t do that. Not exactly. I have a date tomorrow and I think it will be alright. I really like her. She’s pretty. It was important to me to write this piece before tomorrow. Since my last post I have had three notable dates via Tinder.

I have my route figured out. I have my game down. I feel bad about approaching it like this. There’s a park right next to where I live. First date, I don’t care how far away she is, she is coming to me. First date walk in the park. You arrive a few minutes late. You say hi and give her a compliment. “You look much better than in your pictures.” Classic neg. Ten minutes of smalltalk, how was your day, how was your week. Talk about yourself next. If the mood is right, she’s asking questions, you start holding hands. You know the area. You’re leading her to a place to sit down, park bench, maybe you brought a blanket and whatever else you need for a small picnic. An hour passes, maybe 90 minutes. “What time is it?” You know what time it is. If she is surprised by how much time has passed you’re in. If you’re in a more secluded area, kiss her right there. If not, say it’s time to walk back and kiss her on the way. I used to be a fan of saying something smooth but now I just pull her to me and do it.

I’ve described this to a friend and he called me a “fuckboy”. Says I am “using women” and that it’s bad to have a game plan. No. I want a girlfriend. Lol. Calm down, alright? I know it sounds sleazy. I got my plan and my moves. I need to think this way. I’m having success. I’m not going for sex on the first few dates unless I get really strong signals. I haven’t had sex in months. I’ve gotten a lot of kisses.

I’m an honest guy. I’m too honest online. I think the media gives everyone very unrealistic expectations of dating. RomComs, etc. You know what I mean. By now I’ve been on Tinder for over a year (God help me) and this scene is what I am always talking about. Women love to watch streaming services. Typical evening for a single woman is sitting on a sofa and having something on which she pays 50% attention to. The other 50% go to her phone, she is chatting with friends and potential mates on social media and dating apps. I don’t know this for a fact but trust me it’s true.

From the media they consume, the culture, the everything, men and women feel a lot more comfortable with giving intimacy to strangers. A man wants a faithful girlfriend, a girl who does not have over 50 previous sexual partners. Yet on the first date he is trying to fuck, every date, he’s making moves. I’m making moves. I’m trying my hardest to make her fuck me and if she does on the second date, am I thinking she’s a whore? We have known each other for a collective five hours and I’m already dispensing a creamload. It’s my fault, I seduced her. Maybe she only did this for me. I’m the first guy she fucked before introducing him to her family. Coping. But if you don’t fuck on the third date (at the latest) you’re thinking you’re wasting your time. Great. I have five more matches that are waiting for a reply. It’s over. I’m looking for a new girl who isn’t wasting my time. She should have fucked me on the first date. That whore. I love her. I hate Tinder.

What’s the girl thinking? If you’re not fucking her on the third date (at the latest) you’re a pussy. You never made any moves. I might have talked about "Powermoves" in previous posts. I might have spelled it "power moves". It’s been months since I wrote Dating 1. I’m not going back to read those posts. It’ll make me really sad about still being single. No, I will not talk about suicide in this post. I won’t think about how much of my life is behind me.

So she wants you to fuck her. But she doesn’t say it. I don’t think women are aware of this dynamic. She wants you to seduce her by the third date. Seduction. She’s not going to ask you for sex. She comes to the date to see what happens. But if you don’t fuck her you’re a pussy. You have to put sex on her mind and then seduce her. She has 20 guys matched, chatting with seven. She wants you to put the thought of sex into her mind. She doesn’t want to think of herself as a slut. It’s the third date. Collective time spent together: Eight hours. Acceptable amount of time has passed to open legs.

So you’re making moves, you’re trying to get there. She wants you to get there. On my first notable date since the last substack post on dating I didn’t get a kiss. Just held hands. I didn’t go for it. Two days later she wrote me a message. “Sorry but I think we are in two different stages in life.” What? You told me about your situation. You asked me about my work and told me about yours. You got time for dating. You’re 30 years old just like me. I’m being generous by giving you this chance. I’m the price. You rather focus on your career? You said you hate your job. Too bad. She was alright but the conversation wasn’t going well anyways. Awkward silences. She didn’t say that much. I understand why she did us both a favor. We never had a future.

Second notable date and I’m meeting this beautiful 23 year old woman. Talking to her was better. I think she has had at least 100 previous sexual partners. Had that aura. Slut. Made me very horny. A tattoo on the inside of each elbow. Yin and Yang. One of the hottest women I’ve ever taken out on a date. Talking with her was decent. Wasn’t great. No sparks. We were on our way back and I had to make a move. You have to make moves. I pulled her to me and we kissed. She liked it a lot. Mood of the date changed. Sadly it was almost over. When we said goodbye we made out in her car. She was very adamant about meeting me again soon. Next day I asked her when she’s free. Ghosted. Never heard from her again. This one really hurt. Got my hopes up.

You never know nowadays. I used to think kissing was a sign of things going well. Third notable date, I’m back at the same spot. My park. Right away she is into me. Asks me a lot of questions. Mid 20s, gym addict. Good looking. Great actually. Half an hour into the date she says I smell good. I’m wearing Versace Dylan Blue. She leans in to smell me. She does it again a little later and I kiss her. She was surprised but liked it. Rest of the date went pretty well. Will be seeing her again soon. Maybe she’s the one. I’m not desperate but I would marry her in an instant. I’m trying, man. I really am. I want a girlfriend, wife, family. I don’t want casual sex. I’m autistic. If it’s just about cumming I might as well jack off in the shower. Is it gay to admit I want some emotions during sex? Something needs to have a goal for me to pursue it. Casual sex, friends with benefits, what’s the goal here? It’s not something for me.

Well. That’s the end of this post. Little update. I switch between two mindsets. In one I am a cynic. I have heard too many stories of failing relationships. I have met too many women with too many sexual partners. I know too many guys who force an open relationship on their insignificant other to fuck someone else. Things like that. How is love possible without trust? How can I ever trust someone? I don’t want to get hurt.

In the other mindset I’m excited for the next time I see her. I stopped being excited about first dates a long time ago. Now, it’s about second dates. You’ve already met. You already know her. Like the girl from the notable third date. I’ll see her soon and I can’t wait. I’m already in love. I love you. I’m lonely and I don’t have anyone who really cares about me. A handful of people who have to and one or two who chose to. My family and closest friends. I want someone to tell me it’s all going to be alright. I can’t control my emotions. I’m not so cynical after all. Maybe a few more heartbreaks will fix that.